Backstage at your show...

Paparazzi (8 mins. music video) from Alexander on Vimeo.

SECURRITY! I just died!!!

I know you're in there!!!

SECURRITY!!! This dude got to go! Adam Lambert, we know you're gay! Just say it out loud!!!!!
I don't even need to show you this picture of him kissing all up on his boyfriend to prove it. I am curious to find out why he isn't out and proud. Lately he's been going back in the closet for all kinds of interviews, but why do that when it's clear you're gay? I just don't get it. This guy could be a role model for all young teens. Instead, he's choosing to create a bigger situation than necessary. To his credit, I feel like we will see lots of good things from him. AND he will probably come out pretty soon, a lot sooner than Clay did I'm sure.

Other closeted individuals:

Can I just say, how perfect is this picture?????

Blind Biker Ahead

I need to call securrity on bike riders, specifically the ones in NYC! I understand this is rough casting them out, as a bike isn't a car, but isn't quite side-walk friendly. What to do? I guess we should just throw them into the hudson and move on to segues. (JK!) Bikes aren't so bad, but why do the riders choose to weave around you as you're crossing the street? A few days ago I was in the city and, within a one block span, managed to almost lose my life twice to the two-tired transport devices. What is that? The first time was while walking on the side walk; my weight loss efforts must be paying off as this man, on his way to deliver someone their lunch, did not see me. Thankfully he didn't strike and we both walked away unscathed. Walking in the city is relaxing, not a real-life game of frogger! Similarly, as I was crossing a few feet up, a biker weaved around me while I was in the cross-walk. This occasion made me angrier as I could see the biker coming at me the first time; this time I only felt the rush of air as he whizzed past me. I should have thrown something at him and watched as he crashed to the ground.
My favorite bike encounter was in Times Square. I am crossing the street by The Olive Garden and I hear someone scream "Shizzer!" I look to my left and see a biker coming right at me. He pumped his brakes so hard he almost flew off. Serves him right!

I'm late

If you see this character, be sure and call securrity!

This Hurts Me In My Hot Pocket

I never thought I'd be doing this, but I am officially calling securrity on Chelsea Handler. It makes me feel terrible, as I am her biggest fan! I bought her book the day it came out, read it in two days, and forced tons of my friends to read it. I also claim her as my inspiration and describe my writing style as similar to hers. Be that as it may, I was watching a recent episode of Chelsea Lately where her special guest was Busta Rhymes. I was sure she would tear into the fact that he is a known homophobe and at least make him feel guilty for calling gays out. Well, not only did she ignore the subject completely, but she flirted with him and made him feel like any of her other guests. While I applaud Chelsea for treating one of our opponents like anyone else, I am surprised that she didn't even knock him a little for his actions. This is not like her! She makes fun of everyone without discrimination. Being the gay positive social advocate she claims to be, I expected her to at least make him look good in gay eyes. I am not saying I wanted her to make him feel like crap, but she could have at least talked about it. People like Chelsea hold more cards than they think. She could have been the catalyst in Busta's new found gay appreciation, therefore boosting his album sales and bringing him back to true fame. I'm sorry Chelsea but this wasn't right. What... a letdown.

What is UP with this chick?

I'm officially calling SECURRITY on the bitch please blogger from SNL. She's not even funny. It's like the writers at SNL have died and left everything up to monkeys with pens. Why is this show going down the tubes??? It used to be a launching pad for all sorts of comedic talents, from Steve Martin to Eddie Murphy. Now the most we've gotten is Will Ferrel, who is only funny if you're stoned. What are those of us who don't smoke weed supposed to do???
Thankfully, there is hope yet. It comes in the form of Kristin Wiig, the last of a brilliant breed of comedic actresses. She's proven her versatility and shown that she can play with the big kids. I know I'm leaving out Bill Heder, but he just doesn't do it for me. Check out my favorite Kristin Wiig skit below.

Bathroom Etiquette

I am officially calling securrity on all these little kids who have no respect for public bathrooms. Earlier today, My boyfriend and I went to a little sandwich shop to pick up some food. We were finished placing our orders and I decided to make use of my time wisely by using the fece-ilities.
I walk into a quiet bathroom, practically empty except for someone making use of the handicap stall, appropriately of course! I walk in to the only other stall and find one of the cleanest toilets available to paying customers at a public, casual establishment. No need to line the seat with toilet paper, I thought, this one looks like it was cleaned right before I walked in. Maybe they knew I was coming!
I quickly pull down my pants and as I am getting ready to sit down, the bathroom door storms open and three loud rug rats walk in louder than necessary. The one storms into the handicap stall just as the man occupying it is exiting and the other makes a failed attempt to enter the stall I have claimed to be mine. Their friend stands at the door, a newly appointed door man, or so one would think by his eagerness to hold the door open. All the patrons outside the bathroom could now see the interior of the men's bathroom, finally answering that age-old question; Are there really couches in there?
The two making proper use of the bathroom were mid conversation upon entering the bathroom and found no reason to pause. "Do you think the cops will fine me?" asked the one using the stall. Nevermind his volume, the other participant in this conversation was a whole stall away, me being the lucky accidental eavesdropper. I decided that this whole situation made me very uncomfortable and a little butt-shy, so I pulled up my pants and flushed the toilet. I walked out to find the door man not much taller than the handle on the door he was holding open. A smile on his face said he was glad to witness me walking out after attempting to drop a deuce. His friend at the stall looks out, still urinating, to see who it was laying a log. I walk over to the sink and wash my hands, still feigning that I had actually done something while sitting on the toilet. The long-distance conversation continued as I walked out, still unsure as to whether I should tip the doorman.
These little kids, who will one day be old enough to understand the necessity of a bathroom, need to be stopped! Take a whiz, take a shit, I don't care. Just use the bathroom for what it is intended for and leave. No need to start a social club within the walls of a lavatory. That's what outhouses are for!

Welcome!

Hey All,
Welcome to my blog! Don't worry, I won't start calling the popo on anyone yet! I would like to introduce myself and let you know why you'll be checking me out weekly. My name is Robert and I like to make observations about everything, mostly pop culture. My main issue with pop music nowadays is the audacity most up-and-coming starlets have of lip synching. It makes me SICK!
Anyhow, when I see something I find absolutely atrocious and it gets noticed by many, I always wanna call securrity on it. I can't take complete credit for this. Of course I must give credit to a certain skit starring the BRILLIANT Anjelah Johnson where she is known simply as Bon Qui Qui. Check her out and you'll get my reference.

Look out for outfits that will get tore up and performers getting read!!!! And my readings will be sure to make them red too!
Look out for my first post later on today!
Love you all,
Robert
xoxo